Keeping good company to keep your peace

We all at some time or other have come into the presence of a cancerous personality.  A person who seeks to pull you into their negative world and does nothing but rob you of your quality of life.  Some may have dated one and even more sadly married one.  If that is you, I sympathize!  The truth of the matter is, it’s a draining job.  I recall a conversation I once had with a person of narcissistic tendencies.  They spoke for about 30 minutes and dominated the conversation and it was at the point where they shut my advice down a number of times did I realize that I had become their trash can.  By the end of what seemed so torturous, they left, “happier” while I was emotionally drained.  I've also many a time been confronted with people who are by nature emotional bullies. The people who feed off the misery of others because, in their minds, they're superior, have all the answers and everyone else is too weak too run their own lives.  In order to be truly content, I learned the hard way, unfortunately, that I needed to review the quality of people I allowed into my head and sometimes heart while discarding those who's words or opinion of me should be irrelevant.

So here are 3 ways I constantly weed out toxic people and the hurt they bring

Firstly, I identify people who are toxic.  The science of people has compiled an eye-opening list on the different types of toxic people which helps to pinpoint who they are.  On their website, is a questionnaire that further narrows it down.  Once you know who they are and how they are toxic, you will have the right ammunition to use to distance yourself from them.

Second, is realizing that the negative people's lack of grace or poor relationship skills is not a reflection on me or anything I have done, even if I have made a mistake.  I had to learn to not beat myself up, learn from the mistake, but not allow them to beat me down verbally, therefore, giving them the power over my attitude and emotions they don’t deserve.  I developed a mantra that, no matter who they are, my thoughts and beliefs don’t need to bow down to their opinion of me. Choosing to replace those thoughts, is challenging but praise God Philippians 4:8 gives a detailed list of what to replace negative thoughts with.  

Lastly is, I continually apply the 5000, 70, 12, 3 and 1 principle.  I first learned this profound truth at church where my Apostle taught how Jesus demonstrated this model when he fed the 5000, developed and discipled 70, walked closely and did life with the 12, even closer with the 3 and had a special relationship with God who was the 1.  The number of people in each category holds not as much significance as the role each of them fulfills.  The 5000 would not know anything but to be fed from you.  Don’t expect them to have your back or lend a sympathizing ear.  On the contrary, they could be the ones who backstab and gossip about you.  If and when they do, forgive them quickly.  They're not your inner circle and they were designed to eat the bread and fish you provide. They could come in the form of an acquaintance who needs advice on something they know you could help with.  You should help them, but be careful how much of your own life you divulge to them.  

The 70 do ministry or work with you.  These are the people who may know a little more about you at work or church.  You have a goal you need to achieve but you are by no means friends.  If someone in this group is toxic, then you just need to keep your mind on the end goal which wasn’t to make friends but finish the job at hand.

The 12 and 3 are the special ones.  No one toxic should be in these groups and it is in your best interest to carefully consider who they should be.  The 12 are the people who you give your very best to, who acknowledge and appreciate what you have and who have the capacity to give you something of themselves of equal value.  It’s a balanced, fulfilling relationship.

The 3 is the Peter, James, and John, chosen from the 12 to go deeper into a relationship with you. They are so close to you that they share almost everything with you and vice versa.  They're the ones who understand you better than the 12 and since they do, tell you when they see you going in a direction that could ruin your life.  They are able to seek God with you on matters you need a breakthrough and you would do the same. 

The 1 is reserved for God and your spouse.  In the old testament model of the Tebernacle where the presence of God lived, it would be the holy of holies.  The level of intimacy here should be like no other. It is when you are in the garden of Gethsemane, and not even the 3 can tarry with you because what you're facing only God can help you through.

In a broken world where hurt people hurt others, it’s so important to look at the ones who chip away at our peace through the eyes of Jesus. What that means to me is, if Jesus understands that our reactions or inactions to situations are marred by the pain we’ve gone through enabling Him to not treat us as our sins deserve (Psalm 103:10), it is possible through His strength, for us to do the same for others.  

Let your prayer be,

“Lord, help me to forgive and release those who have hurt me and who through the pain they have had to overcome, were not able to show me mercy with their words or actions.  I repent for allowing it to become a stumbling block in my life.  Every word that has been spoken over my identity that has not aligned to who you say I am I tear it down and I ask that you forgive me for exalting the words of men above yours.  Align me with the people who have my future and purpose in you in mind and teach me to value them.  Thank you in advance!

In Jesus name

Amen